The Forum             

 The Forum is an international monthly publication of Al-Anon Family Groups, that offers help and hope for the families and friends of alcoholics.  Al-Anon and Alateen members share their challenges, insights, and progress along their path of self-discovery and spiritual growth.  The magazine also includes topics for discussion at meetings as well as news and information from Al-Anon's World Service Conference and World Service Office. To order your subscription click Here

The following articles are reprinted from the November 2025 issue, with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.,Virginia Beach, VA

The Day I Gave Up Fixing           by Anonymous

Last year, on the first Tuesday in February, I attended my first meeting. It started as one of the worst days of my life - worse than the day I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack, worse than the day I lost my mom to a horrific infection.  It was the day I had decided to end my suffering by driving off a winding road that overlooked a lake from several hundred feet above.  I had found my spot and was getting ready to follow through with it when, suddenly, I heard my father's voice in my head telling me, "No one is worth taking your own life over.  Smarten up and get yourself some help."  It was as if he were sitting next to me in my car.

     After a good 20 minutes of crying, I looked at the time, turned my car around, and drove straight to that meeting.  I sat outside for about half an hour before people started arriving.  I was petrified and couldn't find the courage to get out of my car.  But then, two women walked up to my window and asked me if I needed help walking into the church.  I am so very grateful for them, as I didn't have the strength to walk in on my own.  The lowest day of my life turned out to be the day I gave up on trying to fix my alcoholic husband and started focusing on myself.

     One year later, I am a much better version of myself.  Our marriage is still intact, which is shocking considering where we were last year.  It's exactly as I hear in the room: if we can help ourselves, then the people around us are bound to notice and might see things in a different light.  My alcoholic husband is trying very hard to fix his issues.  Because I now fully embrace that they are his issues to fix, not mine, I have more serenity than I have ever had.  The three Cs come to mind for me today: I didn't cause it.  I can't control it.  I can't cure it.  However, I can continue working on myself, and Al-Anon has given me all the tools I need to do so.

I Felt Empowered           by Anonymous

When I first came to Al-Anon, I felt damaged from years spent living with my alcoholic husband.  I didn't grow up in a family where alcohol was present.  When I married my husband,

I realized that he came from an alcoholic family, and I thought I would have to imitate my mother-in-law to make that dynamic work.  After years of trying to control the alcoholic and being angry, disheartened, and guilty, I went to therapy.  The therapist suggested I go to Al-Anon, saying, "They can help you."

     When I went to my first meeting, I expected everyone to share how to make him stop drinking.  Instead, I realized that the focus must be on me.  I was the one who needed help.  My own hurt could be healed.

     I started using the slogan "Let Go and Let God."  As I released the anger my husband directed at me, I began to hurt less.  I no longer took on his guilt, justification, or anger. 

I slowly started to heal.  I became more focused on myself!  I began to renew my relationship with God.  I felt it was easier to let go of my guilt.  My relationship with my family improved, and I became more involved in life.  I felt more empowered.

     By working the Steps, going to meetings, working with a Sponsor, and doing daily readings, the healing has begun.  I read a saying once that resonated with me:  "Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed.  It means the damage no longer controls our lives."  While I still rely on Al-Anon meetings, my daily readings, and the support from my Sponsor,

I have noticed that the damage that once controlled my life is no longer overwhelming.

Slow and Steady         by Julie S.

Getting to my first meeting was a lengthy process. I did not believe that Al-Anon could help me because I couldn't understand how it worked.  I also had many other ideas on how to solve the problem of alcoholism in my relationship.  However, as time passed and I found myself alone, I gradually slipped into despair and depression.  I ran out of ideas to try, except Al-Anon.  Reluctantly and humbly, I crawled into my first meeting.

     I sat in the back and tried to absorb every word I heard from the members.  I was surprised to hear so many feelings like mine.  I wanted to write everything down and apply it to figuring out the problem of alcoholism and my situation.

     That very first meeting, I heard the phrase "take what you like and leave the rest," and that there's "no situation too difficult to be bettered."  It sank into my brain and filled my heart with hope.  I was planning to leave, but several members came right up to greeet me and asked me to come back.

     I felt welcomed, and I felt an obligation to go back for that second meeting.  I walked into the room, where the members greeted me.  I began to think I could find a solution. 

I felt like it mattered that I showed up.

     The funny thing was that I started feeling noticeably better.  I felt as though I was not alone in facing my problems and that I wasn't unique.  Slowly but surely, as I went to meetings every week, my life gradually improved.

     I went from feeling completely responsible for everything to understanding both my personal responsibility and that of the alcoholic.  The progress of my recovery was slow but very steady.  My heart and happiness began to grow.  I was working on my program and my Steps.  Today, Al-Anon influences everything I do.  It reminds me that, even when things are difficult, I have tools and the fellowship to lean on.  I am forever changed in the most wonderful ways.  Thank you, Al-Anon.