The Forum
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The Forum is an international monthly publication of Al-Anon Family Groups, that offers help and hope for the families and friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon and Alateen members share their challenges, insights, and progress along their path of self-discovery and spiritual growth. The magazine also includes topics for discussion at meetings as well as news and information from Al-Anon's World Service Conference and World Service Office. To order your subscription click Here
The following articles are reprinted from the March 2025 issue, with permission of The Forum,
Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.,Virginia Beach, VA
Awareness, Acceptance, and Action by Madeline S.
When I arrived in Al-Anon, I had a limited ability to identify specific feelings. I recognized anger and maybe sadness but had no clue about fear or shame. I had no idea that shame was affecting my daily choices. Overcoming and understanding my shame led me to the three As of Al-Anon - awareness, acceptance, and action.
Gaining awareness of the deep shame I felt took years of working with Sponsors, attending meetings, reading Conference Approved Literature (CAL), and doing several Fourth Steps. As a foster child, I grew up believing that something was fundamentally wrong with me (one definition of shame) because no one would adopt me. One of my foster parents was a "dry drunk," and her comments about and to me reinforced the belief that no one wanted me. I never shared this belief with anyone but carried it deep inside into my adult relationships and behaviours. I married an alcoholic and finally found Al-Anon. Slowly, over many years of working my program, I became aware of this deep shame.
Acceptance has often been hard for me, but making a list of the behaviours that cause me shame and the people that trigger my shame is easier today. I can accept that I was ashamed of myself as well as of other people's behaviour.
Action is still a work in progress. Today, I identify my behaviours that are motivated by shame. Perfectionism, blaming myself for everything, and people-pleasing are signals that
I am acting out of that old shameful habit. I seek the help of my Higher Power and talk to my Sponsor and Al-Anon friends to clarify my thoughts. I know that with acceptance and use of my Al-Anon tools, I can adjust my perspective and regain a balanced view of myself and my part in life's situations.
My Train by Jane C.
My train headed nowhere at a very early age. Before Al-Anon, my endless overthinking and self-will would take me to undesirable destinations. In my new Al-Anon journey, I am learning to release those thoughts and not get on the train. I no longer wait on the platform in my mind to board the train of thoughts. My choices give me opportunities to seek different destinations.
By working the program step by step, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My new destination is whatever road leads me to my Higher Power - a road well-traveled
"One Day at a Time" because of Al-Anon. I am so grateful for my Sponsor's experience, strength, and hope. With her support, I stopped going to the platform of my mind. With her help I direct my attention and recovery towards helping others. I look for service opportunities that use my experiences of recovery in Al-Anon. My train of thought is in recovery
now and travels on a different track. Thanks to Al-Anon, I'm traveling in a beautiful direction.
A Second Life by Howard A.
I was introduced to Al-Anon shortly after my spouse had passed. I was lost at the time, and the group accepted me just as I was. It took time to understand the Al-Anon principles found in the Steps and Traditions, but over time I was changing into a different person. I never felt pushed into anything.
It took me a year to volunteer to chair a meeting. Now, I am the Secretary of my home group and involved in public outreach. I enjoy the sense of family that I feel at every meeting. It is such a great feeling to be accepted as I am and to try to give back in gratitude for all that Al-Anon has given me. I have been given a new outlook on life, and I have found my Higher Power and a new self-confidence to do more things that I ever did before. Al-Anon has changed my life for the better, and I am happy it did. It has connected me to all the people in my circle whom I now call friends.